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sometimes I just go for it -unknown |
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I love course planning. it makes me so excited for the upcoming year. so. I had that first block, yeah, and I'm taking : english 11 socials 11 principals of math 11 spanish 11 photography 12 chemistry AP 11 Acting 11 and creative writing 12. I am so excited for it and just wow so much. I get to do 3 things that are such big things in my life that I love to do. Those are, creative writing, photo and chemistry. One of my photos I took is sitting right in front of me, and I just wanna take more. it's such a gorgeous day out it would be perfect for photo taking. but nooo, sam's dad had to buy a new truck, and her mom had to quit her job so she can't get what she was waiting for. I have to wait till around my birthday. And instead of just getting it for me now, they're tying it in with my birthday presant. oh well. at least I get it.
so this whole life thing. I don't know whether to love it, or hate it. Things go right, things go wrong. The right things: getting things I've wanted, having a killer good time with friends, making new friends, having good days, the regular. wrong things: not being able to talk to my best friend at all, whom my life would be nothing without, having long distance realtionships and just being able to wanna hold them really tight, low grades, friend issues, family issues, self issues no job, so no money to do what I want without having to ask my rents for it. thank god for the things that actually do make me smile.
Now this is really getting to me. not being able to talk to kasey. Kasey, I miss you so much.
Kasey.
I first met you when I was friends with your brother. you told me 'you're the girl my brother likes aren't you?' and that was about it. Then we started talking a bit more often, just about things. Boys, music, your brother. I told you, you reminded me of my friend Erin. So at this point, yeah we were friends, we talked about all those regular things you do with your friends. But I remember the real hitting point was when Rory was in a coma. I remember you telling me he was in the hospital, and he wasn't getting better. You told me around a week after stopped talking he tried to kill himself and I cried so hard I swore I could have died. You opened up and told me how much you cared for him, and loved him, and how you couldn't go on if he died. We shared all those feelings for someone we so deeply loved it hurt us. We would talk for hours about him, how we missed him how we wished he got better. We wrote. We wrote poems, and stories about our time and shared them with eachother. I told you ever single thing that happened with me and your brother. How he got jumped, and the same day he carved my name into his arm, and how I did it with his name too. How I loved him so much, and it wasn't just love, it was true love. To this day I still love him, I don't think I'll ever stop. We talked and talked and cried and laughed and smiled and we bonded so well it's like we could have known eachother for hundreds of years previous, because that's how well we knew eachother. And finally, when he came out of a coma, we were so close by then. I remember he told me he didn't love anyone. he couldnt, he just couldnt. Then one day I gave you that story I wrote, about the time that he was in a coma, and what it was doing to me, how I felt, how I felt about him, about life, about in depth personal things I could only begin to try and explain in words. I remember you shared it to him, you read it to him. He came to talk to me and he was crying, because he couldnt believe how much he had done to my life. And I told him it was all good. I told him I stilled loved him, no matter what. And he said it would take some time, but eventually he would love me again too. And it happened. But then, your guys's best friend hannah nearly O.D'd, and rory tried to help her, but ended up getting grounded. And we saw him change because of this. We saw him get into drugs, and just bad shit. And we couldn't believe what was happening. Then When I would call you Kasey, and we would talk about boys, and just everything in life. family problems, and Kasey, our lives are so alike, I feel as though I've lived it with you. When you got grounded for a year, I was so upset, and we promised we would write eachother. And we did for a while, but there was a couple months where we didnt, and I ahd no idea how you were, or what was happening. And then every single chance I had to talk to you, I was so overjoyed, because it was like re-gaining my other half, Kasey. And then when you finally could talk to me all the time, Kasey I was so happy! Talking to you just lets me get it all out, and we relate so well, and we help eachother so well, we grow together. Kasey, although this may have happened, I will always be there for you. No matter what you go through, no matter what they put either you or me through, we'll stick together, cause baby, you're my better half. You're my sister, the girl I can tell anything to, the girl that helps me when im down, or is happy with me. I feel your emotions Kasey. If you're sad, I cry with you. If you're happy, hell I've got the biggest smile and I'm just so happy for you. I will miss you when I don't talk to you, I think about you every day that I don't.
Kasey. you will always, and forever, be my best friend, and my sister. You're so much to me, and I don't think theres a single human word I can sum it up into. But know how I feel, and know I'll always be with you, no matter what. <3
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horrorhotell's journal